yotogi.net

i had a great weekend doing a whole lot of nothing. as i said friday was strange, but yesterday and today were outstanding. the weather was pretty rainy yesterday but today was one of those days. maybe you know what i mean. those days that are perfect? i turned off the AC, dropped the top and watched as my mood went up.

i think that i have finished with recovering from crunch. my head feels less crispy and so i should be good to go next week. planned a little trip to austin to the the d with my sis in a few weeks and all is well.

the art of relationships
so it is perhaps funny that i make some kind of analogy between relationships and an art. but this really makes sense to me despite the fact that the artists that i have known through the years have had the worst luck in relationships. i think this is normally due to the overwelming drive they have had to persue their art which seems to stifle their ability to express things in their relationships with others. i think that there is truly an art to relationships and that the same rules and aestetics apply to both traditional art and relationship art.

for some reason last night I fell asleep around 10:00 and didn't get up until 9:00 this morning. i have absolutly no idea what that was all about but it hopefully helps to make more sense of my post last night. it is something that i will be revisiting although not tonight, because i am again really sleepy. i guess i have been puting in full days at work and that could have something to do with it. maybe my body is still recovering, i really don't know.

today has been a bit of a needy day. i was hoping for some contact outside of the context of work. that need has not really been filled, but there is a chance that someone will step up.

if i get a clear head a little later i will try and restate something on the art of relationships, if not, tomorrow.

and my neighbors really pulled through for me being around and entertaining with good conversation and the like.

i am going to put off talking about the art of relationships instead i am going to talk about a problem that has been bothering me a little bit in the last few days. i realize that i have been engaging in conversations with new people over the last couple of weeks. i have also begun to realize how odd my spoken language can get at times. it takes time for me to explain how i mean things and so i am certain that i come across kinda funny at times. the problem extends to my e-mails as well and that is concerning. an example from an e-mail i sent a un-met acquaintance today:

It is nice to hear that there are people out there taking in culture, which is something that I probably should take up. That being finding people who do those things and following them at a good distance to the event and then sneaking around so that I don't make anyone too uncomfortable. And it is things like that which bring me to the following...

now if you know me, you know what i mean by the odd part about following people. but to someone who really doesn't know me all that well, i can see how this would be really strange, even creepy. so i ask the people that have to deal with my broken language. be as patent as you can, trust me when i say i am safely odd.

maybe the problem has something to do with the fact that i am completely without a personal project. one of the cool new neighbors has a little motorcycle that could use some work. she knows quite a bit more about it than i do, but maybe i can convince her to teach me while we fix it up? maybe i should take up cooking, baking or knitting. i hear that in some social circles those are necessary trade skills. but since i am not going to be amish anytime soon, i could prolly pass on the knitting. i still have really been meaning to do a site redesign so maybe i will start on that. i dunno it is just that my energy level is good, but my listless level is peaked. grrr....

Tonight's Topic: validation -or- three the things other than air, water and food that you need to survive

Curt link o' the day: Brad, The Game

i hereby name this weekend the weekend of doors. and if that is not an odd name, i certainly dare you to come up with one more strange out of context. door number 1: john and i decided to go and watch the F1 race at sazuka japan next year. why not? door number 2: new friends, new feelings. door number 3: new friends, new distractions. so my brain is full and once again, the little things in my life have gained full-focus. oh well, nothing that a good conversation or three wouldn't help to clear up.

our world has become one of instant gratification. we can purchase and do and consume on a moment's notice. when things don't end up working out that way, we get antsy and wonder what in the world could be going on. we begin to question all kinds of things looking for a potential explanation as to why this situation did not provide that which we have come to expect. don't get me wrong. situations that cause this are not necessarily ones where some kind of instant gratification is possible much less desirable. it is just with this overbearing sense of speed that we place on our lives that we get used to it, even if we don't really want it.

why are women's clothing sizes in numbers instead of some actual measurement. i mean everytime i buy a pair of pants, i get to find out just how big my waist is.

shots in the dark and nothing really accomplished this weekend. chalk it up to time spent, if not spent as well as it could have been. oh, but at least i updated the archives.

i have this really good idea that i got ditched tonight in favor of the company of sleep. not that i blame her, i mean she has a busy life and i completely understand... krink was online tonight for a good chat so that of course really is nice.

thursday takes me to austin which is really exciting. it will be good to get out and relax and read and do nothing. i will get to see my little brother play a baseball game as well as take in a concert. it should help me get ready for the design process where i will be getting back into work mode. not crunch mode thank goodness.

inspired by a wonderful and beautiful new friend, i think that i am going to start writing an introduction to c programming. something kind of short and just as much for instruction as for explanation as to what i do. maybe i can capture a bit of what i see as the beauty and art of programming. maybe not. of course work in progress should really get some working on too. maybe i will print that bitch and take it with me on my little jaunt.

and on that note, i close...

when i heard that violet was not going to get to go to her concert on her b-day i got really sad. so i decided that next friday was as good of a day as any to take off work and go to miami. i mean why not right? it is the least i can do for a new friend.

nothing else exciting tonight...

• Crack Aficionado Online
• Anti-hero Art A White Trash Museum (Adult Content)
• Lego Porn
• menthols the new heroin
• Nuclear Blast Mapper

one of the reasons that i find this funny is last week saw the launch of a new MMPORPG (or Massively Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game) called Dark Ages of Camelot. several of the guys at the office are already loosing much sleep to explore this new game, and i am not one of them. the reason for this is simple, i played a MMPORPG right as we were finaling called Anarchy Online. The game was great and sickeningly addictive. fortunatly for me, i got bored with the game as it really didn't have all that much depth. it helped me to understand a whole lot the nature of the addiction to these games. i kinda describe it like this:

most people consider marajuana a gateway drug. it leads you to bigger and more hardcore drug usage. imagine that your experiences with your gateway drug were really great at first. they left you thinking, "wow, i don't need a real life any more, i have this virtual one. and it is fun!!" but then you kinda just got bored. so you quit. but the strange thing is, having been addicted to something that you were able to throw away, you got a really good idea into the nature of addiction, and just decided that it wasn't really worth it.

that's what AO was for me, a glimpse at how addictive a game could be. thank god it sucked, otherwise i doubt that i would be posting right now, as i would probably still be in bed, trying to get some sleep after having been up until all hours.

last night i had a long conversation with a new friend and i had the privilage of getting in that strange zone where i am just talking but not really thinking about what i am saying. i really don't know if i can explain what this feels like. i mean i am aware that i am talking, but it is kinda like coding. it is almost as if there is something external to my conscious mind working my mouth or my hands. maybe it is kinda like i am channeling something, or maybe it is just the real me that my brain gets in the way of. no matter what the case is, it is always really cool to get into that zone, even if i don't really remember anything that i said. i think that i offended a little bit, but that was probably because we haven't reached the magic 24 hour communication line yet.

I AM 30% GEEK.

I probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. I never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But I have friends, and this is a good thing.

Take the GEEK Test

so it is certainly no Jana's, but Thai House on Colonial is a fine thai eatery. they also raised an eyebrow when i ordered it "thai hot" which was about 75% of the hurt that jana used to put on me when i went in there. i recomend it as an alternative to visiting oklahoma if you happen to be in the orlando area.

so i thought about getting up again at 7:30 this morning, but instead got up at 9:00. i think that my body is now letting me go to sleep around 1:30 in the morning which is pretty cool by me. i mean i get to watch toonami midnight run, so there is always that. tomorrow takes me to ft. laude to see reel big fish and goldfinger with my friend who i have seen 9 times (i think that is right), violet who is celebrating her big 22nd birthday. should be fun, drive and all.

i need a hair cut and the car will need an oil change when i get back from the trip. i have about a million docs that i need to write for work. and all i really want to do is zone. oh well... time to get writing.

note to bill in case you are reading this. get in touch with me you bitch. i would hate to have to call your mom to track your ass down.

i spent all day today writing just 1 doc for work. it is a monsterous thing, but done hopefully. friday is a day off, yeah. and on a side note, i really love the old loony toon travelogues. they are just too much.

friday was 400'ish miles to and from ft. laudersdale. a nice little jaunt for a concert and a b-day celebration for violet. met an interesting cat named tim before the show and was probably enlightened a little more than necessary by his apartment than i should have been. it is pretty interesting what you can learn about people just by sitting in the middle of and looking around their room.

i should have know that something was up when we got to the show. there were not all that many cars in the lot and then i noticed a strange phenomenon that i hadn't seen in quite some time, people being dropped off by their parents. things were looking interesting for this show. until the music picked up it was really strange to be surrounded by so many younger people. kind of like feeling very out of place. but i had a really good time.

satuday i had the chance to hang out with my friend ben in the afternoon before finding myself at another party where i felt completely out of place. we were late for that one and probably a good thing too. after having a rather intoxicated girl removed from my car, it was off to downtown where i took part in the wonderful fall extra hour of drinking to celebrate the start of daylights savings time. the rest of the evening had an interesting and odd feeling to it. i was going to post last night at 5:00am when i finally rolled in. the post was to read, "grrr... but i bring it on myself." i think that i am going to leave it at that. i really need to focus on friends right now and not let anything get in the way of that.

today was chill. hung out with bill and watched the killer. so i guess quite a bit of the weekend was spent in a state of disjoint perception. funny thing about that is how much i feel at home in that state. now it is time to get off to bed.

• get your sin on
• great writer, interesting read