i have been getting a huge number of thoughts out in more concrete form over the last few days. i have been opening up to what i have been feeling lately. i find myself in a complicated situation wherein i am developing feelings for someone who i may never be able to share these feelings with. so i get to deal with a complicated situation that i refuse to run away from. what i came to realize today is that i have to be ok with this idea. i have to be able to deal with the idea that things could have been different if it was another time or place. i have to be happy by all of the wonderful things that this person brings to my life without placing any expectations on the situation. i finally got called out, the question that i have for myself is, "will you be able to live the kind of life that you always claimed that you lived". we shall see.