yotogi.net

got a mail today from an old lover who i haven't heard from in about a year. it was really good to hear from her and brought back so many memories of times that have long ago passed. kind of strange to look back on those times and how different things would have been if i had left for UT austin after my freshman year of college to chase someone that always will mean something to me.

going out tonight despite my better judgement. oh well, i had a breakthrough at work today!!

making my way thought the stack of e-mail. almost done. it was a working weekend where i got a whole lot done and am back to being caught up. i just wish that things that i worked on would not end up getting mysteriously broken while i wasn't looking at them. the coolest thing about my job is the feeling right after i have been bashing my head against a problem for days on end. the feeling when a problem is solved by some process in your head and carried out by your hands. i just love that...

on other less substantial notes, it is amazing to me how time that has past and to some degree distance are nothing, almost completely irrelevant, when compared with the time that is the moment and the distance which applies to it. you can spend years and hundreds of miles away from someone and see them and none of it matters. but then, upon realizing that you want to see that person, the moment lasts forever and the miles seem such an obstacle. surfice to say that my weekend, or today rather was one that brought back many wonderful memories, like a the amazing beauty of a smile, and feeling that comes with an amazing syncronicity despite explanation for it.

i will sleep well tonight.

so much more beauty is contained in an honest look, held in a moment in the air surrounding eyes and lips turned up in a knowing smile. and i remember the times that i have seen that beauty and i cannot help but to smile as well...

the funny thing about all of this is i am still in a good mood...

my mom says spring is in the air. i tend to agree, she is really smart like that. -=grin=-

my mind wanders to resource loading and comment blocks and making cameras spin when i spin...

the PS2 is going the way of the Xbox and including a boot setting for the screen format. this is the root of my headaches for this evening. for some reason that i cannot fathom, the PS2 is shipping with the default screen format being a 4:3 letterbox format instead of a 4:3 fullscreen. this introduces a ton of headaches in my life, but oh well. i will work through it all.

a shave and a brush of the teeth and off to bed i go. congrats to mr. bill on some nature of coding job and to jenn on a decision to spend another summer in the much more pleasant climes of alaska. and a note to myself as a reminder that i should be a little more careful what i say without explanation yet i offend without at all meaning to.

we got a new intern at work this week. an attractive art one at that. funny thing is that it has done nothing but confirm my ealier rant about the gravity of pretty girls. the little ripples of interest and forces of attraction are evident about the art department. it is quite hilarious. i have laughed a great deal about all of this. more on this later when i have had a little bit of sleep.

code is good. good code is even better. -=grin=-

so i could bore you to tears with a ton of wining about how long the cycle was and all of that, but i don't think that is very interesting. besides, i do enough wining about work at work, or at least i have the last couple of days. -=grin=-.

so for the next couple of days, i will be doing my best to try and get closer to that work-life balance that i hear some people have. and i am certain that i will have something really clever to say soon. i think i have something but i want to work on it first.

that having been said i am currently wondering which i dislike more. the boring 8 hours of work that i am doing these days with weekends off, or the crazy 16 hours no days off stuff that i was doing just a week ago. i like to keep busy, i get lazy when i get bored. catch myself zoning off into space or something like that, but i like my work to chalenge me, not bore me to tears.

on a personal note, i will reiterate a point that i have made at some point. if you have the nerve to get someones phone number, please at least return the call to tell them that you giving them the number was a mistake. that or have the decency to reject them on the spot. of course, i don't really know why i say these kinds of things here, most of the people that bother to read this are decent human beings... -=grin=-

boy, i am feeling really chatty today. perhaps i need to get out some more, but what to do on a tuesday night? hmmm... any ideas people?

today was laundry and napping on the couch and warcraft 3. ah, weekends. i can't wait for vacation starting next week.

to fill that time, i have been partaking in the act of attempting to plan something like a last minute vacation. don't know if i will make it out of orlando, but there is always that chance. seattle, chicago, san fran, dunno. as long as there is public transit i think that i would be game.

on the other hand today i just got out of bed too early, having only slept 6 hours. just needed to get up i guess. felt a little crispy from going out last night. not bad, just a little cinged on the edges. today was pretty much spent making my brain bigger reading up on a ton of stuff on the internet. it feels good to learn. i took a nap for an hour at a friends house while she bustled around unpacking all of her things. funny thing was the boxes were all full when i fell asleep and they were all empty when i woke up. it was kinda startling not waking up in the same place you fell asleep. went over to bob's place and spun records for an hour or so. talked to krink on the phone for another 45 minutes or so. then read some more stuff on the the internet.

so the weekend if over and the week begins. i feel good, relaxed, happy, smarter, pretty much a peace with my life and the world in general. and the really funny thing is i still have 14 more days off.

over the last couple of weeks i have met some really amazing people. one of them even had coffee with me today. conversation ran the gambit, as they typically do when you are first getting to know people. but it was really nice talking to a genuine person. you know, the kind of person who can look you in the eyes when they talk to you. these kinds of experience are so good. they leave you warm inside and full of energy. i guess that is why i was able to spend the time writing the e-mails. so i need to remember to thank her for that.

the poly discussion and the touchdown theory discussion are churning on in e-mail form. i hope to be able to post some back and forth findings on the both of them soon. but like all of my promises here, that is pending me actually doing it. we shall see.

after today, all i can say is that i am really happy. good conversation and good coffee has a tendancy to do that to me. of course, i really think that it is the connections that i have made with people over the last 4 days that is the real culprit. i really believe that it is possible to know in a moment if the people that you meet are compatible with you just by the energy that they give off. i am not necessarily talking metaphysics here so don't read too much into that. call it what you want, people give off a vibe and sometime you just resonate with that vibe and it can be spooky, but really cool.

oh well, off to ride this natural high into the evening... take care all.

vague comment of the day
"sometimes it is in the words that you say and the thoughts that you leave unfinished that you leave me comfortably hanging..."

update 3:22am
the rain did indeed stop and it was clear when i headed out. came back home after a movie with bob for another 3 hours of e-mail. 7 hours today, pages upon pages of ideas expressed through text. i have so much to think about but my wrists scream and my brain demands time to integrate without my rational self mucking the process up.

"butterfiles reverse the pull of gravity"

enough said.

and i was unfortunatly right. i find myself in a "different place, different time" situation where i am confused about what i can and cannot say, what is right and wrong to do. all i know for sure is a part of me that i have not noticed for over 3 years is awake again, and i missed that part of myself horribly. i will not have any regrets, although i doubt that i will get what i want. called my own bluff, trying to not have any expectations, trying not to hurt anyone around me.

i think that i am going to go out and get new glasses tomorrow. my eyes kind of hurt. off for wednesday night at bodhisatva's. after i grab some dinner that is.

well i get my perscription and they boost the magnification on my near sight. i still have 20/20 vision, but my near vision is getting worse. so the paper reads (+0.75 +0.75 -0.25x140) and i am thinking, "what is theis -0.25x140?" well, you guessed it, i have developed an astigmatism in my left eye. i can pretty much count on it going downhill from here. oh well, at least i can pull off wearing glasses (which i don't have to do all the time right now). i am what you would call a astigmatic hyperopne. heh, i have been called worse.

i really, REALLY like my new space. the desk is smaller, and not as deep as i would like it to be, but it is really a desk not a cube. i have plenty of shelf and drawer space, and i have a window in front of me. although all i have is a scenic view of the parking garage, i can see the sky and i am a sucker for the natural light (minus the UV's thanks to the coating on the glass). i think that i will be really happy in my new space. i think that i am in for an amazing year.

today is a grey day, very much matching my mood. at least i got a good deal of work done, and am in training for the rest of the afternoon. i am not sure that i have a whole lot left in me today. the nights find me tired around 10:00 but up until 2 or 3:00. but then again, during the grey times, i often find my insomnia visiting me quite a bit.

some interesting quotes were to be had this sunday from angel.
"my husband and i normally leave around 8 or 9 o'clock when amateur hour starts."
"... the place was full of beefcake boys..."

certainly her wit throughout the afternoon was one of the two brightest points to my sunday. take a visit to jax in orlando if you ever are in the area. if angel is working you are certain to be entertained with wit and other good stuff.

i have to wonder how many days are going to be like today. ride out the lows and really appreciate the highs.

the weekend was an interesting one. friday was booty shakage at a.k.a. lounge to some decent to good house, saturday was more than a few red bull and vodka at cory's party where i met some cool new people, sunday was just a touch of the going downtown.

last night actually would have been an amazing letdown if i had anticipated anything at all. the crowds were out in full force fucking shit up. the a/c at the last place we were at barely could keep the place not warm. i headed home early, read some and got a wonderful nights sleep.

today was an adventure in making order out of the chaos that has been my office since i moved here over 18 months ago. for the first time this room is really nice and clean. i am reinstalling my desktop machine right now, and imagine that if i wanted to, i could entertain a group of about 10 people comfortably. cory's party really makes me want to do this, it was a really good time.

during cleaning i came across all of the pictures that i have from over the years. there were several in there of me and brandi, which kind of melted the heart a bit. then there were all of the pictures of me and the old norman crew. i think i know why i don't like to have my picture taken.

pictures are much more present than our memories. a couple of years away from people and they have almost completely faded from your mind. they are still there, but they are much less accessible. a picture brings all of that back into focus. all of the sudden you remember everything that was good and bad about the people you once knew. a picture is a means by which we remember, and in remembering sometimes visit emotions that we may not want to feel anymore.

i never want a picture of me to make people sad. better to be forgotten than to be a small sadness over the years.

my mom is becoming a computer tech. cool...

this weekend, both friday and saturday night, i got to be the responsible one. i got to drive people home to keep them from driving. saturday was particularly anoying as a couple of people who were supposed to be where we were got lost downtown in an attempt to find their car. just a long night was all...

and on a funny note, sometimes it is beautiful people who love sci-fi...

my new friend is an amazing person. so together and at the same time so much alive. a wonderful mix of a girl that you want to introduce to your parents and one that you want to show off to your friends. someone who you can watch dance and that you want to hear spin. my damn cell phone needs longer life batteries.

friday, i took the day off work in traditional birthday style. that is how i celebrate my birthday, take the day off of work. people kept asking me what i was planning, and to be honest, nothing. they expect me to have extra fun on my birthday. well the question being, why not have fun all the time? so i did have fun, but nothing super amazingly different than the fun i have any other time.

i received a couple of presents that were quite a suprise. thanks kate for the pistol arrows' cd. i do indeed like it and can see why you are quite the fan. and the wonderfully geeky shirt from ann, i will wear it with pride. of course whoever sent me the mini-RC car didn't mention it, so i have a gift from someone who is being elusive. fess up!

last night was good music and wonderful company and the privilage to watch my new friend dance to her heart's content. went back to mitch and alissa's place after the clubs closed and chilled and listened to more good music. just wish that i had not had to drive to hell and back for the adventure. of course the pad is indeed fly, and it was a cool place to decompress, so who am i to complain.

today, chill and relaxing. paying bills, doing laundry and cleaning up after a week trying to bounce a cold (maybe i finally did?!?). wonderful times all around. the grey cat has adopted me for sure now. i would let him in, but right now i don't have litter and he would need a bath just in case he had flees or whatnot. besides, he seems happy enough with the food and the attention that he gets from me outside. working relationship i would say.

now i try and find a way to spend the rest of my evening to relax and be ready for what looks to be a pretty long week in the office. at least my head is on straight now (cold last week... yuk), and i am ready to finish up with all that i have on my plate in the office. speaking of plates, i need to eat. wonder what would be good on a sunday evening?

so toontown is now in an open sneak preview. MMPORG's seemingly targeted at kids, which we all know means the majority of players will be adults.

good music and company seem to be my mode of operation these days. soon enough i expect to have a really keen and interesting thought, but until then, more life to be lived.

on a more positive note, work and life and everything is great. talked to some old friends tonight. good to hear that the world is still there and that i am not loosing it quite as bad as i once thought.

of course, i cannot form a coherent thought. so sleep.

something kept me up for a bit tonight. i hope that it (insomnia) does not decide that now is the time to stay for an extended visit...

EDIT: forgot to post the damn link...

so instead of going to take care of my body, i stayed up a bit late to do more work here. you may or may not have noticed the continued progress on the web page with the main page sporting the hot new look that is going to be all the rage this winter. trust me on this one kids, i expect all of the web guru's out there to be knocking down my door to get their hands on my special design talents.

i cannot help but wonder if my lack of focus today is in part due to my anticipation about all of the upcoming trips that i have planned. i don't find my mind wandering per-se, as much as i find that i am having a difficult time focusing on the tasks at hand. of course, that may also have to do with the fact that i have reached a point where the changes that i am making are cosmetic on the back-end, as opposed to evident in the game. not to say that it is not work that needs to be done, but more that it needs to be done at some point later, not necessarily for this deadline. the excption to that being that if i do not do it now, it only means more work (in addition to the normal amount of craziness) later.

but for now, i trust myself to get some sleep and then get stuff done tomorrow. baring that, there is always friday, or the weekend before it all needs to be in and working. my love/hate relationship with pressure shown plain in that previous sentence...

i did manage to sleep from 7:00pm until 4:00am on monday morning, just in time to catch my flight to austin. yesterday consisted mostly of sleep catching up and recovering. not too bad though considering. now i am relaxing and taking in the cold and rainy that is austin in the winter. according to my sister it was beautiful up until i decided to come into town. oh well, miami was beautiful enough to make up for in a couple of weeks over.

oh, and bob is a good friend.

i am in crazy get things done before i have to split the country mode. i need to buy some stuff and pack and spend as much time with melissa as possible and clean and a couple of other things before i leave at 10:00pm on friday for amsterdam. the trip is just now becoming real in my mind. after having been so far off for so long, it is kind of strange to have it looming.

christmas was a wonderful visit with melissa's mom and step-dad. i opened my christmas gifts over there and found some wonderful suprises. my mom sent me a seattle's best (my favorite damn good cup of coffee place) coffee mug and some beans to brew for consumption therein. a totally random gift that marks that my mom really pays attention to my interests. my dad and step mom sent me a couple of movies not on my wish list at amazon. i think that as time has gone on, they too have begun to get me.

melissa really pulled of quite a coup. she got me a new minidisc player, something that i have been contemplating buying for quite a while. not only that, she got me the perfect one, one that supports transfer from the PC, rock. she said that i needed one for my trip to amsterdam. i had resigned myself to not really worrying about it, but i know that ever moment that i need some escape into my music, i will think of her.

and the week apart is going to be tough. i have recently noticed how i don't like going a day without at least a little time in her presence. for a while i though that the reason that we were doing so well was because i didn't go into the relationship with any expectations of anything coming out of it. bob pointed out that the expectation thing was just the reason that i hadn't screwed it up. the reason that the relationship is working is because she is an amazing person.

and he is completely right.

and if you need to send me e-mail please send it to this address since i will not be able to check my main account while i am over here.

we are still trying to decide if we are going to stay in amsterdam tomorrow to take in a bit more of the local cultrure and such, or if we are going to split town and try to find more fun before we return here.

sleep came easily enough and today found us at the airport catching a flight for england. london feels really different then amsterdam. more pretention in the air. more things that i recognize. definitly faster paced. dinner was good (if expensive) but considering the food in amsterdam, a nice change.

attmepting now to finalize plans for new years, trying to figure out where on earth we are going to go. tomorrow is going to be an attempt to take in some of the tourist stuff and get a good selection of pictures. i have been remembering to take them, but most of them are turning out to be buildings. since amsterdam will be visited again, i will attempt to get some photos of the more interesting parts (like the red light district) before we leave town.

phone number is the same, the europeans definatly have that part right.

oh and my phone number is different again. 044 7876326397.

the other day i was taking care of a ticket that i got last month for turning left where there was a sign saying that i shouldn't and saw a pretty interesting sign at the orange county courthouse. it read "this building is dedicated to the use of the citizens of orange county." while i know what they are trying to say here, i could not help but laugh.

amsterdam was a really interesting stop on the trip. yes, smoking pot is legal in the city. yes prostitution is legal. no, the clubs are not any good (at least the two we visited on the night we went out). essentially, "natural" drugs are legal. this essentially means pot, hash, and mushrooms. harder drugs are quite illegal as are club drugs. the coffee houses varied in decor from places that look like friday's to places that look like coffee shops. i guess people like different things.

the red light district turned out to be a bit more of a let down than i thought it would be. it was interesting to see though. walking through alleys with sliding glass doors with women in bras and panties. the areas of the red light district seemed to be laid out based on taste. you like older women, this area, asian women, that one. strange all the same.

i liked amsterdam. the feel of it reminded me of seattle and the weather was no objection to that similar feeling. chill, laid back. a good place to start a trip.

more later...

EDIT: i lied. put up a picture of me that marek took while in paris. call me vain.