yotogi.net

i think that my back is feeling better, but i am still really tired.

• when AYB meets the $10,000 pyramid with a healthy smathering of the smurfs thrown in for good luck. just when i thought that i had seen it all.
• looking for a fun geek game?

and sometimes that just doesn't feel like enough...

i can only hope that tonight i can sleep well. i have been plauged by dreams the last 3 or so nights. i don't really dream all that much normally, and i certainly don't remember them when i do wake up. but the last couple of nights i have been dreaming and remembering and waking up. and of course they are full 3-D, color craziness. i only wish that i knew why i was dreaming so much all of the sudden.

g'night...

like i said i stayed up way too late playing this game last night and am of course paying for it today. but you know what? that is completely alright by me. i finished a game for the first time in i don't know how long and that feels really good. of course pikmin and smash bro. melee shipped today, but i am not going to go out and even think about getting a new game until i finish up the ones that i have. who would have thunk it tho' i have become a console gamer...

i did get to see the shuttle launch today which was pretty damn cool. i am about 60 or so miles away from the launch site and still you can see it go up. amazing as it was i have been made to understand that the night launches are so much better. can't wait.

this raises some interesting problems. it hurts to care about someone who distances you from their life for no other reason than to protect themselves. it makes you begin to wonder if you are a very good friend at all. but if you really care you will not push back nor will you run away. you will stand and let the force of seperation wash by you. firm and honest you will not tolerate nor will you demand. perhaps in time you will convince the other person that whatever reason they have for protecting themselves is not doing such a good job after all. or they could just stay there taking from your friendship and not giving anything in return. the question is who will be able sleep at night?

at least there is good music in the world...

quiet day otherwise.

different coping mechanisms is all i guess, i wonder what is the healtiest?

EDIT: (12.12.01 8:15pm)
wow, i think that someone really mistook what i said here and thought that i was directing it towards them. i wasn't, and this wasn't at anyone at all. i was just writing on a series of observations that i have had over the last few weeks, and over the years dealing with angry people. but perhaps more interesting than any observation like this is the idea of context and things taken out of...

things started out pretty rough, there was some degree of personality clash from the beginning and all that came out in the chats that we had. eventually, i stopped trying so hard to be her friend and things got a whole lot better. conversations opened up and i got to know her a whole lot better.

then seemingly out of nowhere (i hope there was more provication than the post that i made, but i really don't know) i get a mixed message goodbye. on one hand i am told that she can't be the friend that i "need" her to be. on the other i am told that i make her "feel so fucked up". so i will take it as a little of both. she pushed me off partly because she didn't want to hurt me, and partly because she didn't want to deal with the way that i made her feel.

the funny thing is that i never asked her to be more of a friend than she was, although she might have thought that i wanted her to be more than she was able, and she never told me once that i made her feel bad about herself. pretty much just a textbook example of lacking and miscommunication.

i think that i will miss her more than i expect...

but now i need my sleep...

the christmas party was quite an adventure. this year it was held at the living seas at epcot. so we are dinnering and dancing in a disney exhibit and it all seems kind of strange. we were led in through the "hydrolators" kind of giving the idea that we were indeed going to have a party at the bottom of the sea. the beer and wine flowed freely and people got out on the dance floor to shake their thing to really bad music. oh well, the d.j. was definatly earning his dollars. top that all off with a wonderful date and you could say that the evening was a smashing and interesting success.

the rest of the weekend had me working those long crunch hours as i pushed through the project. things were rough and now they are over and work should be much better. funny thing is that my brain is fried and my english is shot and i am still really tired.

proof: today's question. if you had sex with a clone of yourself would that be a homosexual act, or would it be masterbation?

(in)sanely yours... takeru

i still am more than waist deep in e-mail, but that is certainly to be expected. it is kind of funny how a week off the computer and i have mostly forgotten how to type. oh well, i am sure that i will figure it all back out before too long.

ffx was a blast. i made it up to the last boss fight and just couldn't get it together to finish him off. so i will not be finishing up for a while. after 50+ hours of game play in, i really thought that i wouldn't have that much trouble with the last fight. but alas, squaresoft is trying to kill me and so i will finish up when i get another break. too bad too, i always loved the cut scenes and would really like to know the story wraps up.

i hope that all of you had a wonderful holiday and i will have plenty to talk about since i have started reading a killer book...

other than that, and work (which is rockin' with dokken) i have been spending time with a really cool girl. yeah, imagine that, me finally finding someone who can deal with me. things have been progressing nice and slow, watching movies listening to music and the like. i am absolutly terrible at dating but i think that i am doing ok this time... heh...

speaking of work, i have been plugging away quite well recently. my confidence is up and i am getting things done and understanding more than i have in a long time. milestone is a week from monday, but i am hoping to have all of my tasks wrapped up, minus polishing, tomorrow.

as i have not had the chance to see kristen much over the last couple of days, i have taken to playing anarchy online again. i resisted, seeing as how it was such the suck last time i played, but alas, reactivated my account and am back on. the game is good. better than before and playable, unlike before. it is a time sink i know, but i am getting enough rest and it is something to pass the time with that beats watching the tv.

today was chore day. cleaning the car, the apartment and my clothing stack that has been growing in my bedroom. in addition to all of this, picking up a friend at the airport and taking care of some paperwork and bills is on the agenda. i could take tomorrow off of work, but i think that i will go in and take care of everything that i wanted to take care of yesterday that i didn't.

i have also realized that more people should post comments or send me e-mail. i know that i am sometimes dry of ideas here and it is the people that i love that inspire me to write shit down and to think new thoughts. the side project that is looming around cannot be talked about here, so i guess that i am saying, "talk it up folks!! i need my muse!!!".

-grin- peas...

boy that all really comes across as incredably bitter, but i'm not really bitter at all. i have a severe apathy to the whole thing. i am enjoying work and AO and the rest of my social life so much that it is almost as if this whole thing didn't really matter, which is funny beacuse that is what i always kept telling myself...

went with my neighbor Paul down to Pleasure Island at Downtown Disney tonight. i actually had a great time despite my tendency to avoid all things pop culture. although expensive, PI has much to offer to tourist who is looking for something so contrived it hurts. the only real problem is the 18+ age limit, which leads to a whole lot of looking at armbands to determine an age of the people who are looking at you. i never really intend to return since the music was so bad, but it certainly put the dancing bug in my feet...

tomorrow i am taking the day off, which should be really nice as i have not really had one since we started back at christmas. plus, i have a whole lot of sleeping to do...

i got a kiss tonight and a couple of complements to boot. i sleep with a warm heart despite alone...

saturday i was out hanging with my good friend rory. cool girl, and totally undatable because of her equally cool ld boyfriend and my "nice guy" ethics. so for some reason i was feeling kinda down. not sure if it was the weather, or a blue slump, or just that i had spent too many damn hours on the computer. she and i talked for a while and she mentioned how she was going to try and be a better person after some personal stuff that she had to deal with. and then she started talking about the zen state. MY zen state. well, not mine exactly, but hers which was really close to my description of my own. and i started remembering the moment, and i started sliding into it, and a grin came across my face. i went home feeling so much an improved person.

work was a drag today. i left with this feeling (justified) that i didn't get anything done today. i went out to dinner with rory and it all started rather crapy with my mood being less then pleasant. some food and some laughs later i am ready to tackle all of the stuff that i have to do tomorrow and for the next 2 weeks. i am going to impress. i am going to do something not entirely unlike shining... -=grin=-

had an interesting thought today as i was driving home. top down, cool breaze and thought how nice it is to be awake. i mean really awake. and then i felt better.

still working on thoughts that would be of interest, but i am failing to do so. today i felt like writing a song, or a whole album of songs. i don't think that i would enjoy doing that though. i have a tendency to put very high standards on the products of my creativity. thank goodness i can write decent code. so despite being tired, i am going to erin's birthday party. oh well, i have the weekend off!!